A parenting order is meant to create structure and reduce uncertainty after separation. It establishes expectations around parenting time, exchanges, and communication so that parents have clear arrangements to follow.
But difficulties can arise when one parent follows every provision while using the terms of the order to make life unnecessarily difficult. A five-minute delay during an unexpected emergency becomes a dispute, or a reasonable scheduling adjustment is refused despite having little impact on the child’s routine.
Parents are generally expected to comply with court orders, and maintaining firm boundaries is not inherently unreasonable. The concern arises when repeated inflexibility creates ongoing conflict or begins affecting the child’s well-being. Understanding how to respond requires looking beyond individual disagreements and considering the broader parenting arrangement.
Following the Order Does Not End the Discussion
Under Canada’s Divorce Act and British Columbia’s Family Law Act, parents must exercise parenting time and decision-making responsibilities consistently with the child’s best interests. Parties to proceedings under the Divorce Act or the Family Law Act also have a duty to protect their children from conflict arising from those proceedings, to the best of their ability.
Following an order does not automatically mean every decision a parent makes is in the child’s best interests. However, refusing an adjustment does not automatically establish wrongdoing either.
For example, a parent may have a legitimate reason for insisting on an exchange time, particularly where previous delays have been frequent or disruptive. The situation becomes more concerning when reasonable requests are consistently rejected and the resulting disputes begin affecting the child.
The focus should be on the circumstances and consequences of the behaviour rather than trying to prove that the other parent is deliberately being difficult.
When Inflexibility Becomes a Pattern
One disagreement over a late exchange may not justify legal action. Repeated incidents that interfere with the child’s routine, create unnecessary tension, or make the parenting arrangement difficult to maintain may deserve closer attention.
Keeping a factual record can help establish whether a broader pattern exists. Document the adjustment requested, the circumstances behind it, the other parent’s response, and any impact on the child. Relevant written communications can also provide context if the issue eventually requires legal advice.
The record should focus on what happened rather than assumptions about the other parent’s intentions. A clear history of recurring difficulties is generally more useful than a collection of arguments about who was being unreasonable.
It is also important to consider whether the existing order contributes to the problem. An arrangement that leaves no clear process for handling emergencies or unexpected delays may create opportunities for the same disagreements to recur.
Responding Without Escalating the Conflict
When communication is appropriate and safe, requests for temporary changes should be clear, reasonable, and preferably made in writing. Briefly explaining the circumstances and proposing an alternative can keep the discussion focused on resolving the immediate issue.
If the request is refused, avoid turning the exchange into a prolonged argument. Parents should also be cautious about responding by disregarding the order themselves. Unilaterally changing arrangements or withholding parenting time can create additional legal difficulties.
Where the same disputes continue, repeatedly asking the other parent to be more accommodating may not resolve the underlying problem. A more structured arrangement may be necessary.
Making the Parenting Arrangement More Workable
A parenting order cannot anticipate every unexpected situation, but it can provide clearer procedures for common sources of disagreement. For example, provisions dealing with delayed exchanges, communication expectations, and temporary scheduling changes may reduce uncertainty.
In British Columbia, the Family Law Act allows parenting orders to address how arrangements are implemented and how disputes will be resolved. Changing an existing order requires consideration of the applicable legal requirements, including whether circumstances have changed.
The objective is to create an arrangement that protects the child’s interests while reducing opportunities for recurring conflict.
If your parenting order is being followed but continues to generate unnecessary disputes, Connect Family Law can help you review the existing terms and assess whether clarification or changes may be appropriate. Book a confidential consultation to discuss how your parenting arrangement can provide clearer expectations and reduce conflict moving forward.
