Going through a separation or divorce is never an easy process to navigate. Dividing familial assets, arranging schedules to adapt to different dynamics, and re-establishing your identity are all aspects that can take financial and emotional tolls on those involved. However, going through a separation or divorce after 20 or even 30 years of being together brings its own unique challenges.
If you or someone you know is navigating a “gray divorce”, one where the relationship is ending after a long period of being together, the following are some factors that you may wish to consider:
Indefinite Spousal Support
Typically, if a couple is going through a separation or divorce and spousal support is payable by one party to the other, the Spousal Support Advisory Guidelines outline that the recipient spousal is usually entitled to monthly spousal support for 0.5-1 year per year of the marriage-like relationship. This means that if a couple if separating after 10 years, the recipient is entitled to and payor is responsible for 5-10 years of monthly spousal support. However, if a couple is separating after 20 or more years of having been in a marriage-like relationship, the recipient may be entitled to indefinite spousal support.
Indefinite spousal support does not mean that spousal support is payable permanently, but it means that no end date has been set at the time the court order or agreement has been made. There may be other considerations to note when determining an end date. For example, was this a traditional relationship where one party was the primary breadwinner while the other was the primary homemaker? If so, it may be more challenging for the party who was the primary homemaker to obtain employment after separation, and this is a factor to consider when determining the appropriate end date of spousal support.
Division of Property after 20 or More Years of Building Together
Often times when a couple has been in a marriage-like relationship for 20 or more years, their finances are intermingled. One party may have several financial assets or pensions through their work or bank, the other party may have extended benefits through their work, and real property and vehicles may be in one party’s name only. It is important to ensure that if you are separating after 20 or more years of being together, that you speak with the relevant professionals, including your financial advisor, accountant, and a lawyer to ensure you understand what your options are. For example, it may be beneficial to divide certain qualifying investments by way of spousal rollover. It may be beneficial to not sell all of the real property, and to instead divide the assets and have a set-off amount paid. When it comes to pensions, the correct wording is required in a court order or agreement in order for the division to take place appropriately.
Changing Family Dynamics
No one enters marriage with the expectation of separation. One of the challenging aspect of a separation are how the family dynamics change. A future you once thought was possible is now being rebuilt. For couples who are separating after 20 or more years, there may be adult children, or even grandchildren involved. Whereas couples who have been together for a shorter duration may be able to lead completely separate lives with minimal interaction, when there are adult children who are hosting family events or significant milestones in the lives of grandchildren, it may be more challenging to minimize this level of interaction.
During these times, it is important to ensure you are obtaining the support you need. This may look like expressing your feelings to your adult children to assist in navigating these interactions. It may look like debriefing with a trusted friend afterwards. It could also look like retaining the services of a professional such as a counsellor to better equip you with tools to help you manage these changing dynamics.
Your New Chapter
Separating after 20 or more years can be a challenging and confusing time, but with the right resources and outlook, you can make this process smoother. Ensuring you have the necessary support, both professional and personal, can help you get back to rebuilding and enjoying this new chapter of life.
If you need guidance on navigating your separation, Connect with us today.
